What scares me….
is befriending a guy and getting close, then being weirded out by the whole thing. I’m not use to having just a guy friend care for me other than a boyfriend. I’ve never had just a guy friend care for me a lot actually. It makes me feel uncomfortable because like I said I’ve only been cared that way by a boyfriend. I got use to hearing “be careful”, “make sure you call me when you get home so I know that your safe”, “You look good/beautiful without makeup”, or “hey, let me treat you/take you out, you deserve it” from just a boyfriend. I’m not use to hearing such things from my guy friends. By me feeling uncomfortable makes me want to push them away, not that what they’re doing for me is bad but because I don’t know if they’re doing it just because they really care or just so they could get with me and also the fact that I’m not use to having such caring guy friends. It may seem like it doesn’t make any sense but I guess what I’m trying to say is, when they start caring too much I don’t want them to because it reminds me of a fatal ending of my last relationship. Maybe I guess I just don’t want them to care to much and then just leave all of a sudden and later I find out so much BS about them.
Man I gotta stop relating every friendship I have with a guy to my ex. It’s not like I want to be in a relationship, its just that I don’t want to get screwed over with any of my friendships, especially from my guy friends. Caution sign is up high for me and sadly I have already pushed away a few close guy friends. I forgave my ex but I guess I just haven’t forgotten the situation that it still interferes with any relationship I have. Talk about a new year resolution I definitely need to work on.